


no patience for virtue

by PointlesslyPoetic



Category: The Lord of the Rings - All Media Types
Genre: Blowjobs, Dildos, M/M, Nothing but smut, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, So many dildos, gigolasfuckfest2020, seriously this is just sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-30
Updated: 2020-10-30
Packaged: 2021-03-08 22:06:54
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,309
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27283885
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PointlesslyPoetic/pseuds/PointlesslyPoetic
Summary: Written for Gigolas Fuckfest 2020Prompt: Modern AU, Legolas has an entire advent calendar's worth of dildos that Gimli, until now, has been to shy to try for himself
Relationships: Gimli (Son of Glóin)/Legolas Greenleaf
Comments: 8
Kudos: 73
Collections: Gigolas FuckFest 2020





	no patience for virtue

**Author's Note:**

> Welcome to the horniest thing I've ever written. Let's get it. #gigosfuckfest2020

Gimli was a straightforward dwarf. When it came to sex, he liked what he liked, and left alone what he didn’t. Up until recently, he was a no muss, no fuss, hook up - say thanks - go home, type of dwarf. 

And then Legolas happened.

Legolas, his dearest one, his amralime, his heart, was the mussiest, fussiest, make-every-possible-bone-about-it, try everything at least once. The less kind would be tempted to call him an over dramatic slut with absolutely no sense of propriety. 

But Gimli loved him, and not sleeping on the couch, not to mention his ma had raised a gentle-dwarrow. And so he managed to keep his mouth shut. It helped that he loved Legolas more than he loved life itself. 

Helped. 

Usually.

Not this time.

“Erm, love-”

“Yes, meleth?”

“What’s, uh,” he cleared his throat. “What’s all this?”

There was a rustling behind him, and he assumed Legolas was rising from his supine position on the bed. “Please tell me you’ve seen a dildo before, love.”

“Ah-course ah’ve seen a bleedin’ dildo before, ye fuckin’ weapon!”

Legolas snorted, and Gimli heard him rise off the bed. “Then what’s the issue here, exactly?” Two long arms draped across his broad shoulders, and he felt his lover’s torso, lean and thin, press against the back of his head. Damn tall elf. 

“Ah’ve seen a dildo before. A dildo. One.”

“Okay, and?” Legolas laughed, melodic and tittering. 

“This is a wee mite excessive one might say.”

“Oh, might one?”

“Yes. Your one. Me. I’m saying it. What is all of this, Legolas?”

Gimli was standing in the open doorway of what he had assumed was Legolas’ shoe closet. There was a hook mechanism hanging over the door visible from the outside that most people would call a shoe caddy, and put shoes in. Most people. Not Legolas. To Gimli’s utter shock, and mild horror, he had opened the door at Legolas’ request to grab a toy and been greeted with not shoes, or anything normal like a stamp collection, or even anything bizarre like a secret collection of mint-condition PEZ dispensers.

Nope, he had unwittingly walked into Dildoland, Horniest Place on Earth (Probably). 

Hanging over the back of the door was indeed a shoe caddy, but instead of red bottoms, it was absolutely crammed with dildos, vibrators, and plugs of all shapes and sizes. And colors. And brands. Inside the body of the closet were several clear plastic rolling storage bins (yes, Several) that were filled with more of the same. There were jars, bottles, and tubes of lubricant carefully organized in pen holders fastened to the wall. Leather straps, with metal embellishments and studs hung on hooks at the back of the closet. Larger dildos with artfully crafted veins and silicone balls sat on their own shelving units. There was a metal cart filled with cleaning supplies tucked into the back of the space. 

The more Gimli looked, the further his jaw dropped. The carts and bins were all labeled for clarity, and the containers that held multiple toys had notes like “SIL, 6-8 IN, VIB, LUBE” or “GLASS, 12 IN, LUBE, CLEAN” (there were far, far too many in that bin with that label for Gimli’s peace of mind). The vibrators and butt plugs only took up one rolling cart, while the dildos easily took up three and a half. It was a pornstar’s playground, a den of sin that even an Orc would cower before, and Gimli found himself, for the first time in recent memory, at a complete loss of words.

“Um, what do you mean what is this? They’re toys, Gim. Duh. Pick whichever one, or ones, I guess, you want, and come back to bed.” He squeezed Gimli’s thick bicep with a finely manicured hand, pressing a kiss to his round ear. 

Gimli turned to watch Legolas sashay back toward the bed, and although the sight made his blood rush south, he wasn’t able to let go of whatever was happening in this closet that easily. 

“Legolas,” he said, gruffly. “Wha’ ah’m meanin’ is, why do ye have enough cocks in this closet to stuff a cube a’ swiss cheese?”

Legolas wrinkled his nose at him. “Mm, sexy.”

“Legolas.”

His One sighed, flopping onto the bed with only half the grace he usually possessed. “Because, Gimli. I like sex. I like to have sex. I like to cum when I have sex. What I don’t like, or rather, what I didn’t like, was hauling ass out to bars and clubs or on double dates with Aragorn’s smelly Man friends, and having to entertain for the evening,”

Legolas shrugged, casting his eyes elsewhere. 

“You know what it’s like, with strangers, especially when they’re men. We look different to them. Exotic. Wild. They ask for things, and talk to you in ways you know they wouldn’t talk to another man. After a while, I just got sick of it.”

Gimli sighed. “Aye, yes, ah kno’ what yet speakin’ of, lad.”

Legolas smiled, and reached out for him. 

But Gimli had not yet finished making his point. He planted his feet and crossed his arms.

“What ah’m less clear on, is why ye have enough to fill a bleedin’ closet!”

“I like choices!” Legolas sat up.

“One or two, hell, even three or four, ah’ll give ye lad. But this is certifiable!”

Legolas groaned, hauling himself back off the bed and crossing over to the closet. Gimli was amused to see that, despite the detour, his erection hadn’t wavered in the slightest. Clad only in tight boxers, it was clear the conversation was actually helping him along quite a bit. Gimli filed that away.

He was similarly dressed, or rather, undressed. His own underwear tented in front of him, and for a moment he acknowledged that it was both incredibly ridiculous, and wildly on brand, for them to be arguing with their hard cocks all but out. Some things never did change.

Legolas huffed, pushing past him into the just barely walk-in closet. “Many of these were gag gifts from university, or other models in L.A., or fellow archers in my father’s domain, or my smarmy sister. I bought maybe twelve of them on my own, for my own volition, and use maybe only half. They seem a shame to just toss out, though, so I’ve held onto them.”

Gimli raised an eyebrow in his One’s direction, not buying most of that. Legolas held his gaze for a moment before he wavered. 

“Alright, fine, maybe I’ve bought closer to 30 of them. But I still only use half of the whole lot.”

“And the leather?”

He flushed. “Well, no, that I did buy myself. It was on sale.”

“Uh-huh.”

“You know I have issues with BOGOs.”

“Aye, that’s fair.”

They stood in silence for a moment before Gimli started to chuckle. It was all too ridiculous, too much, too horny, too-

Well, too Legolas.

“Gimli! There’s nothing funny here, they’re just sex toys.”

“Aye, and ye have so many ye need a fuckin’ closet, Legolas!” He wiped at his eyes, shoulders shaking. Legolas was trying not to smile, but Gimli could see he was happy. “Ah’m not judgin’ you love-”

“Yes, you are.”

“Aye, fine, maybe a little.” Legolas stuck his tongue out at him, and Gimli reached out to swat his ass, relishing the way his elf’s eyes flashed at him. Legolas turned back to his collection, pondering for a moment, before opening up a drawer and fishing out a fairly sizable dildo. It was veined, a hideous shade of royal purple, and had a soft bottom that Gimli would bet had a vibrator in the base. 

Legolas sauntered toward him, leaning down and capturing his lips in a searing kiss. Gimli’s mind was delightfully blank, and was happy to let his beloved push him back to the bed. They arranged themselves on top of the blankets, and divested one another of their boxers. Gimli placed the monster dildo off to the side and set about preparing Legolas for what he had in mind. His elf was in a rougher mood, and Gimli was never one to deny his love anything. 

He thrust against the length beneath his as he took Legolas’ nipples into his mouth, laving with his tongue, biting and sucking whenever it seemed like he’d established a rhythm. Legolas moaned, bucking against him, grabbing handfuls of his ample backside. Gimli moved his mouth up, sucking deep marks that even elvish healing would have a tough time with. Neck, shoulders, clavicle, jawline, painted into a canvas of dusky purple and red. 

Legolas keened, mouth falling open in bliss as Gimli took the tip of one delicate ear into ihs mouth, swirling his tongue and nibbling gently in just the ways he knew drove his love wild. The hands left his ass, gripping at his mass of curls instead, panting hotly into Gimli’s ear. The position forced Gimli to separate their cocks, and he could feel Legolas thrusting into nothing beneath him. The elf whined at the lack of friction, clearly torn between the need for Gimli’s mouth on his ear, and his cock against his. 

After a moment, Gimli sat back to admire his One. Chest heaving, hair plastered to his sweaty neck and forehead, lips kiss swollen, pupils blown wide with lust. His braids were completely undone, not that it mattered in this sanctified place; their bed was their own, and here they would be unbraided before one another. Legolas’ cock was a livid red, the head purpling with need. It lay flat against his stomach, and he hissed as Gimli gently ran his callused hand along it. It felt harder than diamond, and to Gimli, was infinitely more precious.

“Gimli-nin,” Legolas panted, bucking against his too-soft grip. “Please.”

Gimli hummed. “Please what, love?”

Legolas snarled at him, temper flaring with his lust. “Puitho nin, meleth! Puitho nin!”

Gimli smirked. “Ahhh, yes, I see. Well, if you insist.” Before Legolas could snap again, he bent and licked a large stripe along the underside of his cock. His elf cried out, fisting a hand in his hair, and Gimli decided that any more teasing would be far less than appreciated. He took Legolas’ cock into his mouth, swallowing him down to the hilt. Legolas’ hips made an aborted movement, and Gimli hummed around his length in encouragement. There was a grunt above him, and shifting around him, before Legolas’ grabbed bunches of his braids and began fucking into Gimli’s mouth in earnest. 

Gimli moved in tandem with his love, bobbing and swallowing rhythmically as Legolas pleasured himself with his mouth. His elven strength barely kept in check as the head of his cock bottomed out in Gimli’s throat. 

“Gimli, I- I’m going to-,” 

Gimli pulled off of him fluidly, Legolas groaning in frustration. He silenced him with a sloppy kiss, pushing into his mouth with his tongue, running the stud along the roof of that pretty mouth. He reached for the bottle of lube they kept in the bedside drawer, and poured a generous amount onto his hands. He set about preparing Legolas, diligently working him open, taking it as slowly as he always did, even when his elf writhed against the sheets and tried to push his fingers in faster. 

When he was sufficiently pliant, Gimli grabbed the dildo and lubricated it as well. Legolas was regarding him with wary excitement. Carefully, because even though he’d used a dildo a time or two on himself, he’d never put one in another person, he pushed the toy into Legolas, clocking him for any reactions that would give away discomfort. Within seconds, the dildo was fully seated within Legolas. Gimli began working it in and out in little thrusts, helping his love relax his muscles. A few thrusts later, Legolas was relaxed and plient, ready for whatever came next. 

Gimli settled himself between the elf’s open legs, resting on his elbows. Legolas was panting, and he felt a long fingered hand settle in his curls, stroking and tugging lightly. Gimli grabbed it and kissed it, hearing his love whine above him. 

“Gimliiiii, please!”

“Aye, awrigh’, so impatient for an elf-”

“Meleth nin-!”

Gimli bent his head down then, taking Legolas’ cock to the hilt in one swallow. His previous protestation trailed off in a wail as he nearly yanked Gimli’s hair out of his scalp. Legolas bucked helplessly into his warm mouth before he pressed down firmly on his hips, stilling him so as to not hurt him as he reached back toward the dildo. He rubbed Legolas’ balls as he did so, heavy with his denied release, and enjoyed the guttural moan that was ripped from that fine throat. 

Legolas was heaving for air, grunting and gasping as Gimli bobbed on his cock. Normally, his elven prince would be screaming his lungs out at this stage, but he didn’t seem to have the presence of mind to do so. His eyes, clouded with want and arousal, were both seeing and unseeing. They snapped sharply into focus, though, as Gimli brushed the dildo within him. Before Legolas could react, Gimli compressed the soft bottom of the toy, turning on the vibrator within. 

Legolas’ shrieked, back arching off the bed with ferocity, grabbing Gimli’s around the ears as he thrust viciously into his mouth. Gimli silently congratulated himself for not choking, as he was almost certain Legolas was well into his throat. He focused on breathing through his nose as his elf fucked into him, shouting.

“Ai! Ai, Gimli!”

Gimli didn’t let up, and instead began pushing the dildo in and out of Legolas in a steady rhythm, building pace and letting Legolas adjust. Soon, though, he was pistoning the toy at a speed that would more than likely kill a mortal, but only seemed to ratchet Legolas’ higher and higher. His shrieks were melding into one sobbing wail.

Gimli, for one, had never been harder in his life. 

Or so he thought.

In a feat that spoke of fluid elven athleticism, Legolas canted his hips upward, tossing his legs around Gimli’s shoulders with his knees locking about his ears. The new angle rendered Gimli powerless to control the speed at which Legolas was thrusting into his mouth. The freedom gave him the chance to focus on finding the bundle of nerves buried in his elf’s ass that he knew would send him over the edge. 

If there was an edge. Legolas seemed to be trying to fuck his own fea out of his body and into Valinor. 

Gimli wasn’t sure if he himself would last much longer. He cock was iron, his balls heavy as rocks between his thighs. He was thrusting sporadically against the sheets, helpless to resist the urge. He felt utterly lost in the sensations beneath and inside of him. Legolas so rarely took partial control like this, the dwarf was happy to revel in delivering his One’s pleasure.

Gimli knew he had struck gold when Legolas snarled, tightening his legs. The dildo was pressed in as far as it could go, so Gimli adjust his grip and began pumping it with accuracy. 

“Ai! Yes, yes! Gimli-nin, meleth-nin! Hortho! Hortho! Ai, ritho! Yes!”

Legolas folded at the waist, his abdomen straining as he practically caged Gimli in with his body. His hips were snapping up to meet Gimli as he sucked in the rhythm he knew would give Legolas no choice but to come. 

And come he did.

With a scream that shook the walls of the bedroom, Legolas erupted into him. Gimli swallowed as best he could around the cock that was still thrusting into him as Legolas rode out his orgasm. Hot, sharp seed was fired into his throat faster than he could adjust to, but before he choked, his elf released him, and Gimli lifted off his cock. This was probably not the smartest move, though, as Legolas was apparently not finished.

White come shot across his mouth and beard, and down his chest to get tangled in the hair there as Legolas’ cock slapped back against his now flat abdomen. It leaked and spurted continually, his hips thrusting sporadically with the aftershocks of his release. Gimli carefully slid the dildo out of him, and gently removed Legolas’ legs from around his head. As soon as they touched the mattress, though, elven eyes shot open and locked on him with startling clarity. 

With single minded focus, Legolas pushed himself up and all but tackled Gimli to the bed. He pressed a sloppy, sharp kiss to his bearded mouth before ducking down. Before he could blink, Legolas had swallowed him to the hilt in one fluid motion, and was sucking at him voraciously. Gimli cried out, grasping at fine blond hair. Legolas’ head bobbed up and down, lewd slurping noises that would be otherwise comical driving Gimli toward oblivion. His toes curled, and he felt his stones drawing up. He didn’t even have time to shout a warning before he was coming. His vision whited out, his whole world shrinking to this room, the bed, the unparalleled feeling of his One being joined with him so. He thrust into Legolas’ mouth without control as he rode it out, confident his elf could take him. 

When he finally came down from his orgasm, his ears were ringing and he felt impossibly wrung out. His jaw was sore, his hand was cramped, and his lower back hurt from being propped on his elbows. He didn’t have time to shift, though, before Legolas collapsed on top of him. Gone was the energy he’d used to finish Gimli, replaced with an exhaustion that seemed to radiate from the very core of his being. 

Gimli lifted his less sore arm to comb gently through Legolas’ hair.

“Are you awrigh’, love?”

“Mmph.” Legolas grunted, unmoving.

Gimli chuckled, and felt Legolas press his lips against his barrel chest in what could be called a kiss, if one were feeling generous. They laid there for a few minutes, before Gimli shifted and winced when he felt the partially dried come on their chests move with them. 

“Legolas, ghivashel, we have to clean up.”

Legolas whined, and shook his head, unmoving. 

“I can, and will, toss ye off the bed.”

“Ugh, fi-i-i-i-ine,” Legoas braced himself, peeling his chest off of Gimli’s. He wrinkled his nose at the mess. “Ew.”

Gimli laughed, pushing at his elf’s face playfully until he moved off of him, giving him room to rise. Legolas stuck his tongue out, and plucked the dildo off the bed. It was encrusted with lube and come, and Gimli refused to take it.

“Ach, nae, it’s not happenin’. It’s yer obsessive sex toy hoard, so you have tae clean it.”

“But Gimli-i-i-,” Legolas sighed. “Isn’t it our sex toy hoard, now? Hm?”

Gimli stared at him from the bathroom doorway. “No.”

“What! You just used it!”

“It was up yer bony arse, elf, so that’s on you.” 

Legolas pondered this a moment, staring at the well-used silicone dick. He shrugged. “I suppose. You wouldn’t know which cleaner to use anyway. I don’t want to ruin his elasticity.”

Gimli shook his head at this ridiculous, fussy, overly-sexed elf, and his dragon-sized cache sex toys, and retreated into the bathroom, knowing that if he ran a bath with the new bathsalts Legolas had picked up in Erebor, he would come running to enjoy it with him. Just as he knew that later, Legolas would find a way to get him to agree to elven take-out. Just as Gimli knew that, if Legolas were any kind of respectable wood elf, with one normal sex toy, undramatic, patient, inargumentative, who didn’t scream the apartment complex down when he came, he wouldn’t be Legolas of the Greenwood, his One.

Grinning, Gimli drew a bath.

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoyed!


End file.
